Wednesday, September 28, 2016

6 Things You Should Never Say to Your Soon-To-Be Ex-Spouse

  Over the past 38 years, I have seen a lot of family law litigants say and do things which are against their own best interests. While divorce is an emotional time, and people understandable say things they do not really mean, there are some things that you really should NEVER say. For instance:

     1.  "If you get the kids, I will take them and you will never see them again."  
              Only say this if you really want to hand in your passport to the Court, and only see your children in a supervised setting. Assuring the judge that you did not really mean it will not help, as they tend to err on the side of caution and safety, especially where children are concerned. A corollary to this is when the custodial parent says:

     2.  "I'll take the kids and move to.........."
            Divorces are expensive enough without adding a child custody dispute to it all, which is what will happen if your future Ex truly believes you. Note that in both of these instances, the parent is trying to use the child or children as a pawn against the other, which is the last thing you should be doing if you truly love your children. Stand back and take a deep breath: this isn't just about you.

     3.  "I'll file for bankruptcy so you won't get anything."
           In an equitable distribution state like Massachusetts, the Court's starting point in dividing property is to split assets equally in a long-term marriage, and give them what they started with in a short-term marriage, dividing after-acquired property 50/50  (retirement plans have their own rules). Do not give the judge an excuse to give the other side more, or to put attachments on your assets.

    4.  Any statement that starts with "You/I will never..." or "You/I will always..."
          Eventually, you are going to decide that you want to put your own children through college, not your attorney's kids. Psychologically, backing yourself into a verbal corner makes it that much harder for you later to compromise and reach agreement with your ex. Ninety-eight (98%) percent of all divorces will and should eventually settle, and the longer it takes you to get there, the more you will pay your attorney.

     5.  "If I have to pay alimony/child support, I'll quit working."
          Support orders are based on earning capacity, not actual current income. A former spouse or parent who deliberately makes himself or herself unemployed or underemployed will still be held liable for the full amount of support previously ordered. And this is the type of statement that can come back to haunt you if you actually do get laid off, and need to ask the Court to modify your support order.

         Do not joke about it, do not post it on Twitter of Facebook, and never say anything even remotely like that in front of your kids. You will not enjoy living with the Restraining Order. And once that Restraining Order issues, you will find it almost impossible to obtain joint legal custody.

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